wishing star

2002-04-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

its just a fling!

2002-04-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

i miss him ... but i always miss someone .. its just one of thoses things ... maybe i put myself in the position to feel like this? .. dont u think?

2002-03-30T10:44:00.000-08:00

one moment you may realize that everything is going the way you would like it to. then the next, it all goes wrong! i was happy, and i can truly say that this was the most happiest i've ever been! and yet it all slipped away.

2002-03-09T18:59:00.000-08:00

i havent found the time to try and write down the daily happenings in my life. Alot of things has changed. Which for everything i can say that im truly happy for! =*)

2002-03-05T15:23:00.000-08:00

i hate being sick...no fair..im sick way to often

2002-02-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

dobbie doobie do

2002-02-21T15:52:00.000-08:00

im hearing things...im going bananas

2002-02-21T08:08:00.000-08:00

songebob is now mine. Sleep with him for the past 2 nights..=*)

2002-02-18T12:10:00.000-08:00

i like this better...im having so much more fun.. i miss spongebob..they took it back...no fair

2002-02-16T16:17:00.000-08:00

im walking away from all the problems in my life. im not saying that i dont care, but all i know is that im just gonna leave things where they are. if at one moment things might change .. then its gonna change .. time is the only answer

2002-02-16T16:16:00.000-08:00

*if i ever love again* ... love is such an incredible word. shall i ever love again? ... naw ... i think i would like things to remain how they are ... and if i do start to fall in love .. i might just walk away ....

2002-02-15T19:04:00.000-08:00

i was reading a friends blog. it made me wonder and start to think. have you ever wondered if there was a certain someone out there for and for you only? have i met him? is someone getting in the way of our true love? am i afraid to say whats on my mind? am i caught up in acting like a friend? is that certain someone right under my nose, and im having difficulties seeing him? will i ever find that one true love that fairy tales claim is so wonderful? does he see something in me that he doesnt see in anyone else?..questions questions questions...but shall they ever be answered?

2002-02-09T09:34:00.000-08:00

its funny how...you can say something and realy mean it. except like a month or more later. you dont care...

2002-01-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

s3lfish

maybe im being selfish. but i think i have the right to be. so what if i think this way. i need him back in my life. every night i think of him, before i go to sleep. i pray for him to be alright, as soon as i wake up. i hope that he has a great day. i miss him what do i do...

2002-01-16T16:56:00.000-08:00

Everyday

everyday i hope to unwrap a present given to me from you.
i wake up in the morning, hoping for the best day to come.
i see your smiling face thinking my present has arrived.
but..today is just not the day.
maybe not today, tomorrow, or even the next.
all i know is that my present is waiting to be unwrapped.
can you guess?...my present is you..unwrapped meaning that i can once again hold you...
time is all we need..whoo hoo!!

2002-01-15T19:05:00.000-08:00

where and how did i start to fall
fall to the point where i cant get up.
i cant go back, or make things change,
i can only hope for the best in any way.

im not a choosy person that wants everything in life.
i only want little things and for them to go right.
when i tell you what i want, of course its gonna be the truth.
that no matter what anyone else says, i shall always want you.

2001-12-16T14:12:00.000-08:00

What The Fuck Do U Take Me For?
What Kind Of Person U Think I Am?
I Aint Just A Stupid Chick
Who EveryOne Thinks They UnderStand.
I Got My Own Reasons To Do The Things I Do,
So Please Dont Even Ask Me..
What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?

Im Not Having A Bad Day,
In Fact, Im Just In The Thinking Stage.
If You Happen To Think Im Trippen..Bitch You Better Pay Attention
Im Telling You The Truth, From My Own Point Of View.
I Aint Gonna Let It Slide, Not Just Gonna Let It Fade
I Aint Gonna Be Twisted Around In Your Own Little Maze.
So If You Happen To Think That What You Do/Say
Wont Get To Me..Better Think Again Since The Truth
Has Already Been Let Free..Dont Lie..Just Be Honest!

2001-12-12T12:56:00.000-08:00

Whoo Hoo...2 Months For Jessieca and Dwinson..

2001-11-20T20:16:00.000-08:00

I Love My Mystery Man. Do You? You Better Not..shoot

2001-11-20T19:52:00.000-08:00

I guess lately its been kinda hecktik! Nothing big nor small going down more like the same old shit..hey hey..uh..just wanted to say that i was sitll alive and that this blog is still active...im outs

2001-11-11T14:55:00.000-08:00

It isnt very often, that i find myself happy beyond compare. Its either too good to be true or either it isnt real at all. I lost alot of people in my life, and it seems that i've lost 2 within time. Possible for the way i act or maybe just something i did. I could apologize as many times, to try and make it right. But it seems we've let too many little things turn into something big and what was done will remain unfixed. It hurts to think of what will happen in the future. How most moments you not there, when each memory is made i cant have you in them, and each time that was shared is the only thing i can reminice on. What once was, might not ever be again.

2001-11-01T08:16:00.000-08:00

Look Deep Into My Eyes,
and Know That Im For Real.
Look Closely and See My Intentions,
For Your Heart I Want To Steal.
Put Your Heart In The Palm Of My Hand,
Let Me Show It How I Love It True.
I Promise I'll Always Be There.
Can I Run My Fingers Through Your Hair?
Can I Feel The Soothness Of Your Cheek?
Can I Enter Your Mind And Soul?
I Can Love You The Way You Want,
Trust Me With All Your Heart.
Believe Me When I Tell You,
My Heart Aches When Were Apart.
Can You Feel The Power Of My Simple Words,
Reaching Out To Fill Your Desires?
Can You Feel The Warmth and Passion Inside?
As Your Heart Sets Afire.
The Skipping Of Your Heartbeat.
The Tingle In Your Spine.
Examples of Feelings I Want You to Feel.
and I Promise If Your Mine,
This Is Just A Vision Of Love.
So Much As Hold You In My Arms.
Feel My Gentle Touch Of Security
Let Me Keep You Safe From Harm.
May I Whisper To You Softly?
May I Say Whats On My Mind?
May I Take This Moment To Convince You
That My Love For You Will Grow In Time.
Your Smiles Takes My Breath Away
Your Worth More Than Silver And Gold.
Your Hands Are Smooth and Precious,
To Perfect To Kiss and Hold.
Your Eyes Are Warming and Inviting
A Future Seen With Just One Glance.
We Can Experience Happiness For Eternity
If We Only Take A Chance.
CopyRighted....JrB...

2001-10-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

one of the worst things to fight about:
I've come to realize that one of the worst things you can argue about is something so small and unimportant. Why do we let such small things take over in our lifes? Why has it come to such a big deal that we end up hating eachother? TWICE not ONCE, TWICE..A couple of days ago I let something small come in the way between me and my ading. Although everything between us is getting better. Im sad at the fact that i let something so ridiculous and unmeaningful get in the way. And now..i've found my self in a situation i dont even wanna be in. I can hardly remember what are we arguing about. I think its cuz i want them to comeover but i dont want to pick them up. Maybe i just want to feel loved that for once someone is coming out of there way to see me, instead of me going there to see them! Is that too much to ask for? Maybe (as always) its my fault? If you dont wanna come over then dont, im not gonna force you. I wouldnt care for you any less if you dont, or even care for you more than i already do if you did. i lub you..why whould i get mad at that..dont worry im fine..big girl now!

2001-10-10T12:45:00.000-07:00

i feel like meagan

2001-10-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

i cant stand this shit anymore. I love you with all my heart, but what am i to do when it seems like your always mad at me. Maybe i am assuming this shit. Who knows. But what can i do? If you wanna act like this towards me then i aint gonna stop you. I just feel like when im starting to become happy that noone is happy for me..

2001-10-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

The best thing to have in the morning when you get a little sleep the night before is...a short white chocalate mocha with 2 straws. Yummie! I think i should get back to my work..I lub you mystery man..

2001-10-03T22:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna compare you
to the past guys in my life.
You can not even be compared
to all the things we went through.

Just look into my eyes while tightly holding my hand,
whispering you'll never let me go and forever we will stand.

I take a look at all the things that have gone through in my life
I realize that none of it all matters kuz i have you by my side.

mystery man where are u

2001-10-02T06:04:00.000-07:00

Look deep into my eyes,
And know that im for real.
Look closely, and see my intentions
For you heart i want to still.
I can love you the way you want.
Trust me with all my heart.
Believe me when i tell you,
My heart aches when were apart.
Can you feel the power of my simple words?
Can you feel the the warmth and passion inside, As your heart sets afire?
And i promise if you mine,
This is just a vision of love.
May i take this moment to convince you
that my love for you will grow in time.
A future seen with just one glance
We can experience things for eternity
If we only take a chance.

Copyrighted....2001 October 1st..Created By: JbM..

2001-10-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

*my love for you will grow in time*
I think i have pretty bad aim. I cant throw a fruit snack. haha =*)..i think i should get back to my assignment...

2001-09-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

Moving on..it doesnt matter to me anymore..
You know at this meeting today. I had to see the weirdest thing, some chick was portraying me and acting like me for this skit. Hella freakie. I think she was to into it tho. Ha we get to perform our skit wednesday night @ youth group. Pretty exciting. I saw the stars tonight with some friends. We saw 2 shooting stars and some weird airplane...when i first saw it i swear it was going around in circles with red and green lights. I think it was just a plane with lights on the front and back. it was a plane i hope..

2001-09-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

I dont understand why people think that i like the dude that they are with. Sorry i dont like him. =*)..Shoot. Instead of asking everyone else, why cant you just ask me your self..

ex: "hey..i heard something about you likeing the guy im going out with..do u like him?"
Answer: Honestly..If i did like him i would probly tell you, but since i dont i have nothing to say to you. Can u do something for me though? Dont look at me like you know me or acting like you got the guy i like. kuz I dont like him and i really dont care! happy for you

2001-09-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

i cant stand liars. Stupid ***. Oh what the, you said you wouldnt hurt her. I trusted you kuz your older then me..Dont Promise other people something when you can keep your word. I cant even express how much i cant stand the thought of you. You make me sick. Ha...i think im getting a cold anyway! shoot....watch come around this way..see what happens..imma run your *** over.

2001-09-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Dedication to my Ading Jessica

From me to you:

Do you remember that one time i told you, about the movie i watched? About how you can tell you a guy likes/loves you? If you dont let me explain..
When a guy/friend looks at you, he doesnt realy pay attenion, or either he stares at you but only in a friendship kinda way. And when they guys who loves you looks at you. He stares deep within yer eyes. He acts as if hes 10 years old opening a christmas present. Hes eyes light up at the fact that he got somthing. and everytime he stares at the present his eyes light up more and more. Get it?

When he looked at you, he couldnt stop smiling. Like he was full of excitement and joy. When he looked at you or even talked to you his eyes lite up. I never saw anyone else look at you that way for such a long time. Wanna know a secret?

the crazy things you'd do for love
You say you cant believe he got you roses? I say i can! He loves you what do u expect? He wants to show you in every single/big way that he wants you to be in his life forever! All the other times when you tried caring for someone, you got nothing in return. I think this is the first time you've showed your emtions/feelings and received something in return. I love you girl with all my heart. Just knowing that your happy can cheer my days up.

2001-09-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

im posting this for a certain reason. I know barly anyone knows this page. For once imma write my full feelings and emotions without having anyone worry about why, how, or when did i start to feel this way.

Not to long ago i tried my hardest to get the thought of not being with you or not having you, out of my mind. I thought it was working. But right now i cant seem to stop thinking of you. The little things you said to me keep playing again and again in my head. I miss you what can i say? I never thought i would feel this way again. I thought i was over you. I guess this feeling in my heart is never gonna go away. At times i may say things or act in ways that doesnt prove the way i feel. I hide how i feel, so now one knows.

I toss and turn at night thinking about the time i had a chance to see you sleeping. I would catch myself waking up thinking that your in front of me, but when i saw you werent there i would miss the times we had together.

Maybe it wasnt real. Or just a 1 sided relationship. I could show or do things to tell you how i feel. It matters to me that i could still feel this way. My hearts broken and i dont think anyone or anything could change that. I miss you..

2001-09-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

wanna tell you that i love you, but i dont know where to start. I wanna wana tell you but now im afriad that you might break my heart. what i thought was so easy now seems so hard to do....pokemon, mistys theme song

2001-09-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

i think this is gonna be short. I havent had the time to write in this much. I've mostly just been written in this group blog. Well..just wanted to say that...73..im out..rachel

2001-09-06T19:33:00.000-07:00

It hurts to love and not be love in return, but it is even more painful to love and never find the courage to let the person know." i like you...i dont love you

2001-08-29T16:21:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday mother

happy happy happy birthday! love you mother..i think were gonna eat out tonight..yumie

2001-08-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

Im not gonna be a hater. Why should i not like her? Do i have a big reason? I dont have anything against her, in fact i'm happy for her! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY..! At times it seems like she wants me to be jealous though. Which i am in a small way, but nothing harsh..i still luv the girl!!! shoot..u know me..i aint gonna hate like that

2001-08-18T12:37:00.000-07:00

my friend

If there ever comes a time when you need me to help you, Just call my name and I'll be there. I promise I'll forget about problems occuring in my life, and pay attention to yours. If your lonly and need a hug, I'll give you a hug, and a high five with it. It doesnt matter the time or day. If you see me with other friends or maybe im busy, just come up to me and bother me. I dont care, just come to me and i'll be there..

2001-08-18T12:33:00.000-07:00

saturday August 18, 2001

mood: freezing cold
color: grey *sweat pants are warm*
SONG: selfish...nsync

2001-08-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

Thursday August 16, 2001

People these days can be pretty confusing. One minute = lets go here. Next second = no wait lets go here instead! Please my friends, make up yer mind..Today wasnt that bad. Hung out with friends..and saw some that didnt bother saying hello. You would think that even though they dont feel the same way as they did in the past, they would still say hello. I dont know..maybe there jsut scared of me. Did i look different today? I highly think no.

2001-08-16T15:35:00.000-07:00

Why do people think im tripping? Is it possible to be trippin when your sitting down, you have no shoe laces, or your shoe laces are tied tight? I dont understand, but as far as im concerned this person thinks i am...

fellow friend:umm...that rachel s 0camp0 is kinda trippen 0ut 0ver sum stupid shit

whatever you say..or in my words...whatever floats your boat

2001-08-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

if i saw a shooting/ falling star, i would wish that i could have you in my arms. or maybe just that you can feel the same way i do..

my wish:
to be happy...whoo hoo

2001-08-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

Happy Happy Birthday to You..Happy Happy Birthday to You

happy birthday jessieca...hmm..what shall i get you? lets see...hey i got it! wanna know? do you really? i guess yer just gonna have to wait..smiles...hugs.....

2001-08-10T22:45:00.000-07:00

you knoe...nevermind..scratch that thought...delete and erase.

2001-08-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

aunties

Even though im not supposed to go out, my mom suggested that after i get done cooking i should drop by the commissary to go shopping for her. So being the girl that i am i decided to go all the way to P.S.N.S. in the hot sun and get some basic things we are lacking in our house. Not even being in there for 3 minutes, i say hello to one of the AUNTIES.

Auntie: Hey rachel, how are you
me: im alright, and you?
Auntie: Im o.k., you look pretty..and your happy..WHY..are you in love?
me: in love? *in head...its not love its lonliness...* uhm no autnie im not in love
Auntie: Wheres your boyfriend?
me: What boy friend..i dont have one...
me: bye auntie, do you know where my mom is...Lane 1..super
BYE AUNTIE...HUG

2001-08-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

seems that our family has been eating out lately..red lobster last week..osaka last week..red lobster yesterda..hakata today..haha..if your wondering why..lets just say we had a small problem..im outs..smiles..

2001-08-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

Its a whole new world out there, you see things you've never seen, do things you've never done, acted in a way you've never acted before. Have you heard of that song :

A Whole New World

A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view.
No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we are dreaming..
A whole new world..

anyway...like my singing...i think it sucks!

2001-07-25T23:09:00.000-07:00

for some reason i thought that if you see someone you know they normally say hi, except for today! i saw some of my close friends..but they didnt say hello. maybe they didnt see me. but how? im not that horrible, am i? or maybe they thought it was someone else. but how? does anyone in this town look like me? or maybe they just didnt wanna say hello..who knows..unexplainable

2001-07-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

no milk

have you ever wanted to have cereal in the morning, except when you went for the milk. there was none? it seems thats the 3rd time that has happened. whats going on? i thoughti was the only one who used that milk..no fair..i want cereal

2001-07-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday GREGORY EUGENE STEWART

Yesterday was my buddy's birthday. BIG 17..one more year till your 18..i wish i could say that..i got months till then..well hoped you enjoyed your birthday..=*)..want a cinnabon? you should of came by yesterday, i would of treated you to something, theres always this week..

2001-07-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

News Flash

Hot off the press... NO CAVATIES..i think im pretty happy about that. No more dentist for about 6 months..But wait that means I have to get a check-up around my birthday..Nevermind about being happy..screw that..NO FAIR..

2001-07-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

Phillipines
why do people think i had a good time? i was gone for 2 weeks and events occured that has changed my outlook on certain things. Do you realize that you cant change things in the past? You can only hope the best for the future. I know im not perfect, and that I cant get what I want. But i try..

2001-07-19T15:56:00.000-07:00

say what....is it true..huh..i dont understand...dont mess with my mind..you dont even know!

2001-06-15T14:03:00.000-07:00

June 12-13-14, 2001

For the past 3 days..it has sucked...i hate it! every month i hate coming around to those 3 days. do you think its possible to keep those days? or just sleep in!

:*) <~~~~~// do you see my smile..it has a certain meaning to it..do you get it?sad but true.time to go correct papers..bye now

2001-06-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

No More Stalling, No more Sqeaks, No More Running Around Those Really Cool Brakes

Have you seen me driving my car around town? I dont mean my van..i mean my car..thats right friends..after a year or more driving around witht he van we found a pretty good car. yeah baby! :*)

2001-06-14T13:05:00.000-07:00

daily horoscope

Greetings Rachel --

Here is your horoscope for Thursday, June 14:
Temper your eagerness with a measure of caution. Ask yourself how
much it will cost, how long it will take and what kind of trouble
it might bring. Sketch your idea in full before proposing it.

2001-06-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

:*)..get it?

2001-06-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

im tired of using the school's computer..i think its time for my mom to give me back my internet.

1. We get our long distance taken away..i didnt really care.
2. We get our cable television taken away..just cuz we've been haveing extended calbe for free for the last few years.
3. Our computer breaks down and it takes months to get it fixed
4. and now since we have our somputer back we have no internet..argh!
5. oh yeah..and now my parents are forcing me to go to the Phillipines with them, when only months ago i had a choice whether or not i had to go...deng it

my goodness and my mother wonders why i go out with my friends all the time. If only i had something at home to do besides homework, chores, laundry.

2001-06-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

Lack of Sleep

On a daily/nightly basis, you need an average of 8 hours of sleep. A little while ago i heard on 20/20 that if you lose hours of sleep, you cant get it back. im not sure if thats true! For a while now, I've been lacking hours..either i sleep early and still stay longer in bed or i sleep late and yet i still wake up late. The other night i slept at 8:30..pretty earlie dont you think? I think my sleeping habits have been strange since i got back from the hospital! dang it..im so sleepy...i cant drive..shoot! argh..watch out for me on the road..i might crash into you! syke!

2001-06-05T14:36:00.000-07:00

look in my eyes..what do you see?

do you know what i've gone through, have you seen what i've seen?
i dont think you know me,
all you see is just a fake picture of what you think of me..

think hard if you can say that you know me..maybe your wrong

2001-06-05T14:32:00.000-07:00

you know what? wanna know a secret? its really a good one...lifes a bitch...=*)..who cares..im out

2001-05-18T13:23:00.000-07:00

check out ... a little lesson

2001-05-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

mood: got a headache
saying: hmm...lets see...
color: blue

thoughts on today

you cant make everybody like you. no matter how nice or sweet you are, some one out there doenst think that way. but think of this. do you think it matters to me if you dont like me? it doesnt really matter me. if your gonna hate on me, go ahead..have fun while doing it..kuz it must be sumthing very important to you. all i say is that im sorry i couldnt be your friend..im outs..

2001-05-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

in less than a month i have final exams, papers, projects, and routines due! stressing! this hasnt been my month latly. i have alot of things to do and ive been procrastinating with most of it! need to start getting back into track..argh! and being sick isnt helping at all! damn it..how can i get a cold when its not that cold outside! shoot...im out

2001-04-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday Janet...Happy early birthday to to eddie edrosa...(April 30. 2001)

2001-04-27T13:10:00.000-07:00

Time and time again things happen that are uncontrolable. Most of the time you just have to live with it and get on with your life. This time i dont think im able to get over it and move on. Every where i look and every place i turn i see someone thats mad at me or has something against me. For the last few weeks things have gone on that has made me really emotional and sensitive. Yesterday, we received our Sadie Hawkins picture from April 14, 2001. Everyone was really excited about seeing how their picture turned out. As for myself, i was really excited to see the pictures we took. I took a couple picture, a group picture with 6 other people, and another group picture with over 20 people in it. While shooting the picture, my boyfriend wanted to KISS my neck. We thought it wouldnt have been cute and sweet. Other people thought otherwise, especially Kuya Jamie it seemed that he thought differently. I found out what everyone thought about it, and it made me to break down and cry. I ended up blowing up at someone for the reason they got mad. Kuya thought that he was sucking on my neck, which he wasnt. he was just kissing my neck and thats it. If people wanna think that, all i ahve to say is go ahead, think what you think, but do u really know whats going on? or exactly what happend? i dont understand why people gotta get mad about little things when everyone at O.H.S. went through a dramatic stage and our friend past away. We should realize that little things can trun out to be something big. dont get mad over little things kuz if you get mad at someone they might end up doing something bout it...whatever..forget this..im out

2001-04-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

besides the fact that friends are mad at me. ive been really happy lately. i hope some of you guys are as happy as me, if your not then you will be soon..love you guys...4*14*2001

2001-04-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

earlier this morning was the first time i cried in like a week or so. when i cried before it was from missing someone, but this time its different. instead of missing someone, i could be losing someone, or more like some people. once again i've gotten my friends mad at me. i've tired to deal with it, by just pushing it aside like its nothing. its not working though. i've said this before. im not perfect, and i've never been perfect. people make mistakes, but what am i supposed to do about. forgive and forget. normally when ever i cried i turned to one of the muskeeteers, but what happens if they are the ones that are mad at you? i know what to do, you hol dit inside like its nothing, and dont worry about it. time to put on a fake smile and let everyone know that nothings wrong. im out...

argh..computer still getting fixed..

2001-04-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

hey guys...well im at my ading jessica's house right now...i took a nap and nowwere singing songs....sounds fun..i think i should be getting home..love you guys...miss you...
*dimples...*=*)

2001-04-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

LATEST NEWS
I've had a gret spring break and I've actually been happy lately..arent you happy for me..but as for my computer i think im not going to be able to on for a little while. so this i going ot be my last posting..or my few to last...if i can get a hold of another computer...ading jessica skipped some of her class so we can go to burger king. i have 3rd lunch so i didnt skip any classes. anyway...i think im going to be in a great mood. ading jessica and i havent fought in a long time..and thats great...=*)

here are some links that you can visit while im a way..maybe i might be in some of them..who knows...=*)

team blog
ading jessica

ill put the rest later..someone else has got to use the comp....laters....

2001-04-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

haha...forget about missing him..its his lost...shoot! =*)..i was reading some of my old blogs..i still miss him, but im handling myself very well i think..im out..love you guys

2001-04-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

Advice for Wednesday April 4
Ever heard that line:
Smile, since you never know when someone might be falling in love with that smile.

In other words just be happy, when you meet someone show your happy and funny personality rather than your gloomy depressed one. =*). In the past I've hidden my sad emotions by always smiling and being happy. Recently, I havent had to fake it. My smile is real! I hope this real feelings last, Im sick of the depressed mood. In an hour my parents, me and my ading jessica, are heading to Western Washington for a few days to explore the Rain Forest..Sounds fun..I cant wait to get back already and we havent left yet...hehe². Well i better finish getting ready..Take care everybody. Smile for me..

2001-04-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

Second Thoughts

What I once thought would be the best thing to do, is now becoming unclear. I thought it would be best not to tell the truth, but it ended up becoming more of a lie and a big mistake. I tried covering up for things that I've done in the past. The lie ended up being something that i lived on. Im sorry you had to find out that way. I didnt know how to tell you. You looked up to me like a sister should, and now what do u see me as? Everything has changed, we see eachother differently, maybe more innocent, devilish, stupid, or just ignorant and rude. Or at least thats what you think of me. Its the past now, and I've tried to change but just form that one mistake it ruined me forever. Maybe I'm not the perfect romodel that I was portrayed as. As my friends parents look up to me, they dont see what you and I see...It would be totally different if they knew the truth dont you think? All i can say is that im not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. It was almost a year ago..

2001-03-31T11:31:00.000-08:00

happiness shows in my last 2 postings...March 6, 2001..always and forever

2001-03-27T14:13:00.000-08:00

*ONE WISH*

If you had just one wish, what would it be? To be happy, rich, successful, or? If i had one wish, for once i just want things to go my way. A certain things has been bothering me for a little while now, and i dont know if theres a chance i might get what i want. Maybe im being selfish, but when was i selfish last? Always doing things for others and just wanting them to be happy. When is it my chance. Theres moments when i laugh and smile, and theres something hidden behind it all. Sadness, anger, pain, and lonliness. Have you even had that time when you just wanted to be held, and comforted by that person you care about? That really is all i want, but as usually what ever makes you happy.If you say to me that you just want to be friedns then i have to live with it, till you decided that theres something more still there. Just tell me exactly how you feel and I'll do my best to help out for you to get it.

*411 on rachels computer...i think it crashed agen...*knock on wood*

2001-03-25T18:03:00.000-08:00

im starting to feel guilty for the things im doing and the things that ive done in the past. i've realized that what may make me smile may not make another feel the same. recently an ex boyfriend of mine that i was going out for a year plus, had been trying to get me back by telling me all these things that happened between us and made me happy. he's sent me poems that i wrote to him, emails that i dedicated my love, and sang some of our songs for me. well, i figured out that the recent realtionships ive gone through i was doing the exact same thing. i wrote him letters saying " what happend ", " i miss you ". i've called him asking how do you feel, do you feel the same? its time for me to wake up and see that i cant get things my way most of the time. i can try my best to let them know i care and still want them in my life but its up to them to see if they still care for me and want me in their life as much as i want them in mine. i find myself thinking about them and wishing they were mine still. missing you and wishing i was in your arms. * 3 kisses *

2001-03-14T16:02:00.000-08:00

.. STRESSED ..
Theres so many things going in my life, that i feel like i cant concentrate. My mind feels like its about to explode. Trying my best to get grades up so i can be sure that im gonna graduate. Alot of things are just building up. STRESS. Project due tomorrow, and i also ahve a piano hearsal tomorrow. Had i bring day at school, almost injured myself in gymnastics, did something today that i never thought i would do. actually i had fun, i think im bouts to do that agen sometime soon!.

I have a feeling again whre i didn some stupids things and i regrett it. Maybe i shouldnt have said,done, acted the way i did? Im sorry, if i could turn back time i would in an instant. buts thats impossible.

Sometimes wehn theres so many things going on, i just wannted be held and comforted. Or for someone that hella cares just to sit and talk for a while. I dont know right now, hella things arents going the way i want them to, but then again alot of things dont go the way i want...i never get anything....forget this shiyet

2001-03-10T22:26:00.000-08:00

i havent really posted anything thats been going on in my life for almost a week now. Nothing really new, everything is mostly the same. Got our progress reports the other day, im doing pretty good except for this one little problem. i have a F in Algebra II. that sucks! man...i hope im still gonna graduate. ARGH. Recital is coming up. Almost in 2 weeks. I think ill do alright, at least i hope so. wishe me luck! =*)

2001-03-06T21:59:00.000-08:00

Recently ive been going thorugh things that werent in my control. but now i think ive gain my pride and emotions back, so im not worrying about alot of things...as for me..im in a hella good modd...talk about it later!...=*)

2001-03-04T18:40:00.000-08:00

mommy and me are both not feeling good. she has sinus problems, and i have a cold for like the 5th time these past months. Since mommy and I arent feeling good, imma make soup..yum yum...talk to u later!

2001-03-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

Went bowling today with some close friends. Ading Jessica, Sheila, Marlon, and Kuya Chris. Had fun. I got 3rd place..with a 73! yeah baybe! but to bad i got tha gutter a couple times. hey who knew that with a sprained ankle i can actually do it..whoa..yippie! =P

2001-03-01T21:56:00.000-08:00

latest thoughts:

i feel things that i shouldnt feel
thinking of things that should not be thought
gone through things that should not have been gone through in the first place
seeing things that should not be seen
feeling emotions that this heart doesnt deserve..
~~~
this thing that i feel, may i ask what it is? im kinda confused about what this feeling gives.
is it for good or meant for pain? tell me this im going insane.
if its so great then why do i hurt from all the care i gave?
~~~
scared and afraid of these feelings i give
not understanding the way that i live
day by day i wish that you think of me at night
maybe that your thinking im right by your side
~~
i cant understand what im going through,
how can this be thought you were my boo.
~~
i dont care about what others think,
kuz they're not the one i was wishing i was with.
~~
late at night i ponder about the way that things could be
if i was in your life, and maybe that you were mine
if i could just hold your hand i would hold you close to me
and whisper in your ear that it was meant to be

2001-03-01T21:26:00.000-08:00

whats this feeling thats going on? Hurt or Pain, Lonly or Sad, Confused or mad? Ever since i Sprained my ankle my world's been turn around. The first day i sprained i already got yelled at! Started crying kuz my mom was getting mad at me. it seems that i have been crying lately. i think this emotional setting is over powering me. trying to get up and down the school is the hardest thing to do. friends always saying walk faster, and with me being tired from my crutches and my hands hurt..." then go around me if your impatient, cant you see, i cant walk fast?" people theses days just dont seem to understand unless your in that position. what can i say? DONT JUDGE PEOPLE BY OUTTER APPEARANCE. This sucks. i feel so many emotions i dont know which one to concentrate to?

DEDICATION: 2 MY FRIEND CHERENE AND ONE MY KUYAS *KUYA CHRIS*
Theres so many people int his world that its hard to believe that theres other people out there that might be feeling the same way you are or going thorught the same things you do! well as of this moment i knoe 2 friends of mine that have alomst the same situation..
check out the song.....Jon B = LOVE HURTS

2001-02-26T18:26:00.000-08:00

All the things I've said or thought were right before has suddenly become unclear and different. Havent been able to right down my thoughts for yesterday, and i wasnt planning to do a blog today but o well! Yesterday, my friend Sheila and I sang at the 11:30 mass. It was supposed to be the so called *3 musketeers* , but it should be the *3 munchkins* J/p..but i guess we had a pretty good first turn out, i was mostly lip sinking, SYKE..its not like you can hear my voice anyway! Had confirmation yesterday, found out that i have so many things going on this month! shoot wanna knoe?

FEB 27: piano
FEB 28: 2nd grade class then youth group...me and ading JESSICA are gonna play POOL
MARCH 3: rayer day retreat in SEATTLE and then that night also OLY NIGHT
MARCH 6: piano
MARCH 10: SNOW ADVENTURE @ STEVENS PASS
MARCH 15: recital rehearsal
MARCH 25: RECITAL and confirmation retreat @ vashon island ( dont know if i can go to that )..I hate this!

last night i had the hardest time sleeping, wonder why? then today @ school. i basically had no ambition/inspiration to day anything! in gymnastics class i didnt know what i was doing, like i never did it before! dude..whats going on with me?i cant concentrate..one of the worst things, i cant concentrate playing the piano, not good!

2001-02-24T19:16:00.000-08:00

I feel that im not getting through to you..or maybe you just dont wanna see the way i feel for you? I tried so many times to tell you that I still care, and from all that i think i' ve grown from I like you and I care for you, to I really LOVE you.

Promises have always said that they are never meant to be broken.
So would the promises we made count?

I PROMISE to never hurt you, or ever make you cry.
I PROMISE I'll always be there standing by your side.

If I wanted to hold you hand, would you accept and never want to let go?
If I said I cared, would say you cared for me too?
If I told you that i love you, would you be scared and run away?
If I said I wanted you in my life, would you want me in yours?
* I love you*

2001-02-23T21:59:00.000-08:00

decided to change the title..you like? kuz i do! =*)..im watching the filipino channel and it has kids seeing a song wanna knoe what it is?

where we would be without love?
where would we be without the love and emotion,
where we will be in the long run.
where we will be with out someone we can share it with..
where would we be with out love. .
where we would be with out love?

cute dont you think? i think its aww...! smile..kuz it what i do when i dont wanna show how im really feeling....shhhh!

2001-02-23T21:32:00.000-08:00

hey check this out..its my second time..whoa! =P...I think today is just one of them days where everybody gotta be up in peoples face. o well no biggie! shoot...i got yelled at from my parents today. All i could say was " Im not even doiny anything". Too many things in my life to worry bout this stuff...im out...til next time =*)

2001-02-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

check my posting for today..