happiness shows in my last 2 postings...March 6, 2001..always and forever



If you had just one wish, what would it be? To be happy, rich, successful, or? If i had one wish, for once i just want things to go my way. A certain things has been bothering me for a little while now, and i dont know if theres a chance i might get what i want. Maybe im being selfish, but when was i selfish last? Always doing things for others and just wanting them to be happy. When is it my chance. Theres moments when i laugh and smile, and theres something hidden behind it all. Sadness, anger, pain, and lonliness. Have you even had that time when you just wanted to be held, and comforted by that person you care about? That really is all i want, but as usually what ever makes you happy.If you say to me that you just want to be friedns then i have to live with it, till you decided that theres something more still there. Just tell me exactly how you feel and I'll do my best to help out for you to get it.

*411 on rachels computer...i think it crashed agen...*knock on wood*


im starting to feel guilty for the things im doing and the things that ive done in the past. i've realized that what may make me smile may not make another feel the same. recently an ex boyfriend of mine that i was going out for a year plus, had been trying to get me back by telling me all these things that happened between us and made me happy. he's sent me poems that i wrote to him, emails that i dedicated my love, and sang some of our songs for me. well, i figured out that the recent realtionships ive gone through i was doing the exact same thing. i wrote him letters saying " what happend ", " i miss you ". i've called him asking how do you feel, do you feel the same? its time for me to wake up and see that i cant get things my way most of the time. i can try my best to let them know i care and still want them in my life but its up to them to see if they still care for me and want me in their life as much as i want them in mine. i find myself thinking about them and wishing they were mine still. missing you and wishing i was in your arms. * 3 kisses *


Theres so many things going in my life, that i feel like i cant concentrate. My mind feels like its about to explode. Trying my best to get grades up so i can be sure that im gonna graduate. Alot of things are just building up. STRESS. Project due tomorrow, and i also ahve a piano hearsal tomorrow. Had i bring day at school, almost injured myself in gymnastics, did something today that i never thought i would do. actually i had fun, i think im bouts to do that agen sometime soon!.

I have a feeling again whre i didn some stupids things and i regrett it. Maybe i shouldnt have said,done, acted the way i did? Im sorry, if i could turn back time i would in an instant. buts thats impossible.

Sometimes wehn theres so many things going on, i just wannted be held and comforted. Or for someone that hella cares just to sit and talk for a while. I dont know right now, hella things arents going the way i want them to, but then again alot of things dont go the way i want...i never get anything....forget this shiyet


i havent really posted anything thats been going on in my life for almost a week now. Nothing really new, everything is mostly the same. Got our progress reports the other day, im doing pretty good except for this one little problem. i have a F in Algebra II. that sucks! man...i hope im still gonna graduate. ARGH. Recital is coming up. Almost in 2 weeks. I think ill do alright, at least i hope so. wishe me luck! =*)


Recently ive been going thorugh things that werent in my control. but now i think ive gain my pride and emotions back, so im not worrying about alot of things...as for me..im in a hella good modd...talk about it later!...=*)


mommy and me are both not feeling good. she has sinus problems, and i have a cold for like the 5th time these past months. Since mommy and I arent feeling good, imma make soup..yum yum...talk to u later!


Went bowling today with some close friends. Ading Jessica, Sheila, Marlon, and Kuya Chris. Had fun. I got 3rd place..with a 73! yeah baybe! but to bad i got tha gutter a couple times. hey who knew that with a sprained ankle i can actually do it..whoa..yippie! =P


latest thoughts:

i feel things that i shouldnt feel
thinking of things that should not be thought
gone through things that should not have been gone through in the first place
seeing things that should not be seen
feeling emotions that this heart doesnt deserve..
this thing that i feel, may i ask what it is? im kinda confused about what this feeling gives.
is it for good or meant for pain? tell me this im going insane.
if its so great then why do i hurt from all the care i gave?
scared and afraid of these feelings i give
not understanding the way that i live
day by day i wish that you think of me at night
maybe that your thinking im right by your side
i cant understand what im going through,
how can this be thought you were my boo.
i dont care about what others think,
kuz they're not the one i was wishing i was with.
late at night i ponder about the way that things could be
if i was in your life, and maybe that you were mine
if i could just hold your hand i would hold you close to me
and whisper in your ear that it was meant to be
whats this feeling thats going on? Hurt or Pain, Lonly or Sad, Confused or mad? Ever since i Sprained my ankle my world's been turn around. The first day i sprained i already got yelled at! Started crying kuz my mom was getting mad at me. it seems that i have been crying lately. i think this emotional setting is over powering me. trying to get up and down the school is the hardest thing to do. friends always saying walk faster, and with me being tired from my crutches and my hands hurt..." then go around me if your impatient, cant you see, i cant walk fast?" people theses days just dont seem to understand unless your in that position. what can i say? DONT JUDGE PEOPLE BY OUTTER APPEARANCE. This sucks. i feel so many emotions i dont know which one to concentrate to?

Theres so many people int his world that its hard to believe that theres other people out there that might be feeling the same way you are or going thorught the same things you do! well as of this moment i knoe 2 friends of mine that have alomst the same situation..
check out the song.....Jon B = LOVE HURTS